I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
