OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He passed out mid-signature
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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