I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
