I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
