My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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