I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
