Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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