You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Even my vagina gasped.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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