I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
