Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
