someone threw a dead crab at me
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
