I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
