Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
