i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
