i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
