Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
