Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
