a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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