Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
