i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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