I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
