Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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