If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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