I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
