I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
