I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
