i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
