My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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