So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
