you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
