The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
