I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
