My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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