It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
