What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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