we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
