I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
