I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
