i barfeds in our rink
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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