There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just found a bag of teeth...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
