He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
