You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
