Michael Bay diarrhea
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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