I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I woke up under a house in Key West
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