she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
