To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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