if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I have demons in me.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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