Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
