What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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