i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
