he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I supernannyed him into submission
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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