Don't you send me to vm
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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