Tell her she can't have a vagina
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
