Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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