It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
