This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
