He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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