I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
