if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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