Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
