well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
